Showing posts with label Ice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ice. Show all posts

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Angel the Ice Queen

There are many times in my life where I have been called the "Ice Queen.

The reason? Because I don't show emotion. I never react at the time disaster strikes, it's always behind closed doors, when everyone is tucked up, and fast asleep.

I guess the posts going back to The Bag in the Cupboard, parts 1, 2, and 3, are the one's to hi light the reason behind the name.

I can tell a story as the 'third' party looking in, although in fact I am usually one of the main characters. Most of my posts are real life experiences and looking back, I know when the pattern commenced.

I know exactly how long it will take me to react to a disaster, pinpoint to the hour that I will allow myself to cry, and know when I will have the required repercussion to the event, a panic attack or two, maybe three.

I have the ability to be involved, yet remain apart at the same time. Until that particular time comes, when I fall apart. Hence the title, "Ice Queen". Do I deserve the title? I struggle to keep everyone together in a crisis, when they are falling apart, I sacrifice a part of me to keep them together.

I have been asked to read a Eulogy. I don't think I can do it, in fact I know I cannot. Not only that, I don't want to do it. The reason? I will lose my title, and cry. People will make a fuss, I'll get comments like "that's a first", or "look, she's crying."

I want to keep my title intact. The question is, at what cost?


I might add that "Ice", the word, is much closer to my family than I would like it to be.

http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/
Being touched by an Angel is not always a good thing

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