Guess Who?

Men and their muscles. Show off's, every last one.

I have been tracking this clip for over a year. I still have a giggle now and then because, after all this time they are still doing the guessing game thing. Guess what? I know exactly who this is!

The New Me

It has finally hit home. I no longer have a job. After resigning in February, I am finally leaving on May 2nd.

I don't know if I actually want another job, I think I just freaked out about having nothing to do except gardening. I did the mandatory soul searching thing, "will I be happy just staying at home?" etc. and still couldn't make up my mind, so I sent off 5 applications with CV attached via email last Wednesday evening.

Anyway, I have had 3 calls and scheduled 3 interviews. An offer was put on the table which I accepted, because I liked the environment, product, and employers. Plus my retainer and commission rocks! I also get to work a 5 day week, which will be great.

I signed a contract and confidentiality documents today, and start on Tuesday 6th May. Now I am getting really nervous. I have to wear a suit, and 'elegant' (uncomfortable) shoes (no Ian, not clear heels), and have public speaking engagements.

What have I got myself into this time? Public speaking? Me? Time will tell.

The Day a Town Stood Still

Thursday was a very emotional day. The ashes of the Birthday Boy were placed in the coffin with his Mum. At peace, finally. Because of the suicide, he was unable to be laid to rest in consecrated ground, so they sneaked him in. Bravo to the family!

Every person in their community was at the funeral. The school closed it's doors, as did the shops while the funeral was conducted. I guess it goes to show how much respect the locals had for their District Nurse.

Rest in Peace.

Death of P

G was home on Friday, naturally upset. The sight of his sister struggling for life was hard for him . He spent time with her each day, as did his siblings. He told me she would not let go of his hand, and her low wisper was hard to hear.

She has clung to life for the last 12 months, enduring the unendurable. Chemo every Tuesday, Blood transfusions every Wednesday. A lesser person would have given in, she wanted so much to live. I know I would have given in. She did not believe in Euthenasia.

I hope her husband and kids are somehow able to cope, for the dead know nothing, It is not the dead that grieve, but the living left behind.

The Funeral is on Thursday, picked especially by her kids. The 17/4 is the birthday of a brother, who committed suicide a few years ago.

Trish died on Saturday 12/4 about 5 pm. I think, in the end it was a blessing for all concerned.

Patricia.

G. is interstate tonight. He has gone to say goodbye to his sister. She has cancer, and her major organs are shutting down. All chemo has been stopped. There is no hope left.

The Dr.'s are keeping her pumped full of morphine to make her as comfortable as possible. She is slipping in and out of consciousness, but has her faculties.

She is skin and bones, the tumor in her peritoneal cavity is pregnant like in it's enormity, and is blocking her bowel and her kidneys. Her body is toxic, and when they lay her down, she vomits, so they have her strapped into a chair.

She is surrounded by her 6 children, Parents, and 9 of her 10 siblings, also her husband, a Doctor, who can do absolutely nothing.

It's just a matter of hours now.

Au' Revoir Trish.

Eight Steps to a Sex Worker

1. The Husband
2. Government Department
3. Disability Sector
4. New Supervisor
5. Sector Manager
6. Regional Manager
7. Client of All of the Above
8. Sex Worker

Link the Eight Steps to SEX with the following words.
Instrucions for linking;
1 : Works for
2: Works for
3 : In
4: Has a
5: With a
6: And
7: Who have
8: Who needs a
SEX WORKER

The Husband: Would rather face the sack.
The New Supervisor: Couldn't deal with it and passed it on to the husband.
The Sector Manager: Says he has no choice, must do. Fired.
The Regional Manager: Rescinds all the above. Wrong, wrong and wrong.
The Sector Manager: Apologises for causing severe emotional stress.
The New Supervisor: Is a a moron.

CARS

Grand Prix press release for Lotus and Angelo Lazaris promised a lot but didn't deliver on the day, McLaren took it all the way.

Meanwhile, Alfa has and upcoming new release, the Mi.To. It is a cross between a mini and an Alfa 147, somewhat cheaper than their normally high price, and is relying on the youth market to top up it's falling sales figures.

If you are dreaming about an Alfa, try not to. You will be spending a lot of time on the side of the road, although your Alfa dealer will lend you a car while yours is being fixed. It is not uncommom for you to have a loan car for 3 months.

Available here is 1.9 Tdi, 1.4 TP, also a new 184kw for it's GTA. That's pretty funny when you consider a Kia Carnival has 184kw of power.

Yesterday I had a special treat, and drove a Lamborghini Gallardo. Absolutely amazing torque. A great shame there wasn't a track near, so I could floor it. Very smooth gearing, but still drove like a sports car. A slightly bumpy ride on our roads.

Also, in the last of week 1 have been able to give an Impreza WRX a nice workout. I have decided the car is more myth than legend, and very over rated. The suspension is too hard, and gives a rough ride. Nice power, but lacking in other areas. I was able to blow the clutch by the third burnout. Bye bye Impreza!

They have a totally new model coming soon, new shape, new everything. Hopefully that will pick up the slack in the backward body styling, suspension and clutch.

Toyota's new V8 Cruiser Tray, released some months back, has a waiting list of round 5 or 6 months. Happens every time a new model is released, but this is definitely worth waiting for. I don't think there is another 4x4 that stacks up to it.

I often see stickers on Patrol's that say "Pajero" Recovery Vehicle, which is quite funny. I think a Cruiser recovers everything!

Considering everything that has happened in the last week or so, cars made for a good topic. They can't talk.

Resurrected by Demons in Disguise

This thing has got way out of control. Please don't point the finger at Layla, we were all conned.

I was absolutely horrified when I saw Redacted. (I could not believe people could do those things), I dissolved completely.

I had no idea the video clip was not real footage. When I found out it was a movie with actors, I grabbed the lifeline.

Soul in Torment posted "Angel may be going through a "grief rejection crisis". Soul in Torment is correct.

What I didn't know, at the time of posting, was that the movie portrayed real life attrocities committed in Iraq, in a very clear and concise manner.

Who ever originally sent that video clip out. did so to divide and conquer, to make us look like idiots. Just so they would be able to say "Layla Anwar has to resort to movies to make Iraq look terrible".

Well "whoever" you are, it backfired. Now we all know the real truth of "reality" based TV".

BANG BANG

Winter Soldiers Sound Off

Hi, Lookers,

You should have a good look at this http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=8421 .

Some of your servicemen have integrity, all be it after the fact.

An Iraqi was once selling soda out of a motorcycle to soldiers in a waiting convoy,” says Moon. “In the side-car was his seven-to-eight-year-old child. When the man refused to go away, the MP on patrol put him to the ground with a gun to his head and started stripping his vehicle and searching it.

They then took the child, picked it up into the air, and threw it full force onto the ground. I didn’t see the child get up.”An Iraqi was once selling soda out of a motorcycle to soldiers in a waiting convoy,” says Moon. “In the side-car was his seven-to-eight-year-old child.

When the man refused to go away, the MP on patrol put him to the ground with a gun to his head and started stripping his vehicle and searching it. They then took the child, picked it up into the air, and threw it full force onto the ground. I didn’t see the child get up.”

This is one of heaps. I listened to the broadcast of Winter Soldier. It was awful. How can I be pro USA? Absolutely impossible.

Forgery

Well, look what I have come accross, an article written by former UN weapons inspector, Hans Blix. I would like to think BushCo is honest enough to admit their mistakes. As a leader, Bush says, "you can never admit to a mistake". Bush has also stated, “I’m driven with a mission from God. …God would tell me, ‘George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq…’ And I did.”

Maybe God will see fit to talk to each and every one of us, in this direct manner, or is he only pro American?

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article19582.htm

Quoted directly from Hans's article named: A War of Utter Folly.

By then, Unmovic inspectors had carried out some 700 inspections at 500 sites without finding prohibited weapons. The contract that George Bush held up before Congress to show that Iraq was purchasing uranium oxide was proved to be a forgery. The allied powers were on thin ice, but they preferred to replace question marks with exclamation marks.

They could not succeed in eliminating WMDs because they did not exist. Nor could they succeed in the declared aim to eliminate al-Qaida operators, because they were not in Iraq. They came later, attracted by the occupants. A third declared aim was to bring democracy to Iraq, hopefully becoming an example for the region. Let us hope for the future; but five years of occupation has clearly brought more anarchy than democracy.

The following is clearly the most terrifying of all ,in Hans Blix's statement:

In the 2004 presidential election campaign, Bush ridiculed any idea that the US would need to ask for a "permission slip" before taking military action against a "growing threat". True, the 2003 Iraq invasion is not the only case in which armed force has been used in disregard of the charter. However, from the most powerful member of the UN it is a dangerous signal. If preventive war is accepted for one, it is accepted for all.

That is probably the most frightening thing of all. They need no permission, they are accountable to no-one, they ignore the United Nations, and they don't hold to the Geneva Convention.

The worst forms of tyranny, or certainly the most successful ones, are not those we rail against but those that so insinuate themselves into the imagery of our consciousness, and the fabric of our lives, as not to be perceived as tyranny: Michael Parenti .

WAR

In some respects, the thing is a very transparent dialectic: war for peace; killing to protect life; destruction of freedoms to safeguard freedom; glorying in killing as a means to prevent killing; turning those who are killed into the enemy; naming the enemy as apt for killing; naming an innominate enemy as a threat while threatening and killing to create more enemies to manifest the sense of threat. And so it goes.

Legion Thu 20 Mar 08 (05:03pm) Blogocracy.

Still Peacocks

After yesterdays post, I thought I may have been slightly harsh on those concerned, after all they are flesh and blood.

Unfortunately, this flesh and blood being takes things personally, and I decided I was no "Hitler's Angel".

The response to the youtube US Marine dog shooting video I posted yesterday, was so very immature and thoughtless.

The response was:

"If you're an animal lover,shouldn't you be disparaging PETA Angel? After all,they do try to help animals".

A simple "that was awful" or "he shouldn't have done that" would have sufficed, just to show a spark of humanity in this insane world.

That's what I mean about arrogance, the inability to take any criticism what so ever on behalf of their military.

Puffed Up Peacocks

I have been visiting some American blogs lately. It has been an interesting experience, with an awfully rude awakening for me. My US cousins, who all have differing opinions on Iraq, tell me that a lot of Americans are ashamed of what their administration has done to Iraq. They also tell me some, including a couple of them, have exactly the opposite opinion.

I am usually a moderate blogger, don't make too much noise, and keep a low profile. I read a lot, but usually don't comment. But, in this instance, I will tell you exactly what I think.

The particular blogger I am referring to seems like a nice guy. http://iraqimojo.blogspot.com/.
I don't always agree with him, which is fair enough, it's his blog, and he has the right to say anything he wants. He is quite humble, which makes me appreciate his opinions all the more.

On the other hand, some (not all) of his commenters are the most arrogant, self opinionated, pompous puffed up little Peacocks I have come accross in blogger land.

They cannot stand criticism of the USA in Iraq, in any shape or form, and that is where arrogance comes into opinions. The arrogance does not do any favours for their cause, in fact it detracts from the validity of their statements.

A particular blogger also accused me of airing a Fake Video of Dog Abuse. That is being investigated, according to Pentagon News. Well, just for him this one is definitely not fake. There is also another little snippet at the bottom.




Low and behold, it's not just animals. At least the other soliders in the above video had the temerity to express their disgust at the shooter. In this one, they cheer when they kill a wounded Iraqi on the ground.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yLLibNYhog&feature=related.

Soldiers in war are disgusting, which ever side they are on.

FOR THE RECORD

I WANT IT KNOWN

THAT I DO NO SUPPORT

SECTARIAN MILITIA

I DO NOT SUPPORT AL QAEDA

I DO NOT SUPPORT SUICIDE BOMBERS

I DO NOT SUPPORT MURDER IN ANY FORM

NOT FROM IRAQI'S

AND NOT FROM AMERICANS

IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?

More Torture Stories Leaking Out

I found this article, while roaming today. I was disturbed to see America is still up to these dirty tricks. After the world was made aware of David Hicks, the US was condemned for not only using 'soft torture', but avoiding her own Bill of Rights by using another country to implement the methods. I believe Cuba is one of several.

Despite US Efforts at Concealment, More Torture Stories Leaking Out.
http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=8358
(Sorry, my links aren't working)

While I realise that there are other countries out there that use similar methods, or worse, the US has set such high moral standards on other issues, you really don't think it is possible for them to do these things. They are 'better' than that. The question is, are they?

I also found the history of CIA Soft Torture, which makes for fascinating reading, but ugly dreams. http://www.slate.com/id/2130301

The Birth of Soft TortureCIA interrogation techniques—a history.By Rebecca LemovUpdated Wednesday, Nov. 16, 2005, at 5:07 PM ET


In 1949, Cardinal Jószef Mindszenty appeared before the world's cameras to mumble his confession to treasonous crimes against the Hungarian church and state. For resisting communism, the World War II hero had been subjected for 39 days to sleep deprivation and humiliation, alternating with long hours of interrogation, by Russian-trained Hungarian police. His staged confession riveted the Central Intelligence Agency, which theorized in a security memorandum that Soviet-trained experts were controlling Mindszenty by "some unknown force." If the Communists had interrogation weapons that were evidently more subtle and effective than brute physical torture, the CIA decided, then it needed such weapons, too.
Months later, the agency began a program to explore "avenues to the control of human behavior," as John Marks discusses in his book The Search for the Manchurian Candidate. During the next decade and a half, CIA experts honed the use of "chemical and biological materials capable of producing human behavioral and physiological changes" according to a retrospective CIA catalog written in 1963. And thus soft torture in the United States was born.

In short order, CIA experts attempted to induce Mindszenty-like effects. An interrogation team consisting of a psychiatrist, a lie-detector expert, and a hypnotist went to work using combinations of the depressant Sodium Amytal and certain stimulants. Tests on four suspected double agents in Tokyo in July 1950 and on 25 North Korean prisoners of war three months later yielded more noteworthy results. (Relevant CIA documents do not specify exactly what, but reports later claimed that the special interrogation teams could hold a subject in a "controlled state" for a long period.) Meanwhile, the CIA opened the door to pre-emptive psychosurgery: In a doctor's office in Washington, D.C., one unfortunate man, his name deleted from documents, was lobotomized against his will during an interrogation. By the mid-to-late 1950s, experiments using "black techniques," as the agency called them, moved to prisons, hospitals, and other field-testing sites with funding and encouragement from the CIA's Science and Technology Directorate*.
One of the most extreme 1950s experiments that the CIA sponsored was conducted at a McGill University hospital, where the world-renowned psychiatrist Dr. Ewen Cameron had been pioneering a technique he called "psychic driving." Dr. Cameron was widely considered the most able psychiatrist in Canada—his honors included the presidency of the World Psychiatric Association—and his patients were referred to him from all over. A disaffected housewife, a rebellious youth, a struggling starlet, and the wife of a Canadian member of Parliament were a few of the more than 100 patients who became uninformed, nonconsenting experimental subjects. Many were diagnosed as schizophrenic (a diagnosis since contested in many of the cases).
Cameron's goal was to wipe out the stable "self," eliminating deep-seated psychological problems in order to rebuild it. He grandiosely hoped to transform human existence by opening a new gateway to the understanding of consciousness. The CIA wanted to know what his experiments suggested about interrogating people with the help of sensory deprivation, environmental manipulation, and psychic disorientation.
Cameron's technique was to expose a patient to tape-recorded messages or sounds that were played back or repeated for long periods. The goal was a condition Cameron dubbed "penetration": The patient experienced an escalating state of distress that often caused him or her to reveal long-buried past experiences or disturbing events. At that point, the doctor would offer "healing" suggestions. Frequently, his patients didn't want to listen and would attack their analyst or try to leave the room. In the 1956 American Journal of Psychiatry, Cameron explained that he broke down their resistance by continually repeating his message using "pillow and ceiling microphones" and different voices; by imposing periods of prolonged sleep; and by giving patients drugs like Sodium Amytal, Desoxyn, and LSD-25, which "disorganized" thought patterns.
To further disorganize his patients, Cameron isolated them in a sensory deprivation chamber. In a dark room, a patient would sit in silence with his eyes covered with goggles, prevented "from touching his body—thus interfering with his self image." Finally "attempts were made to cut down on his expressive output"—he was restrained or bandaged so he could not scream. Cameron combined these tactics with extended periods of forced listening to taped messages for up to 20 hours per day, for 10 or 15 days at a stretch.
In 1958 and 1959, Cameron went further. With new CIA money behind him, he tried to completely "depattern" 53 patients by combining psychic driving with electroshock therapy and a long-term, drug-induced coma. At the most intensive stage of the treatment, many subjects were no longer able to perform even basic functions. They needed training to eat, use the toilet, or speak. Once the doctor allowed the drugs to wear off and ceased shock treatments, patients slowly relearned how to take care of themselves—and their pretreatment symptoms were said to have disappeared.
So had much of their personalities. Patients emerged from Cameron's ward walking differently, talking differently, acting differently. Wives were more docile, daughters less inclined to histrionics, sons better-behaved. Most had no memory of their treatment or of their previous lives. Sometimes, they forgot they had children. At first, they were grateful to their doctor for his help. Several Cameron patients, however, later said they had severe recurrences of their pretreatment problems and traumatic memories of the treatment itself and together sued the doctor as well as the U.S. and Canadian governments. Their case was quietly settled out of court.
By the late 1950s and early 1960s, CIA experts thought they understood the techniques necessary for "breaking" a person. Under a strict regime of behavioral conditioning, "the possibility of resistance over a very long period may be vanishingly small," several researchers concluded in an analysis used in the CIA's 1963 manual Counterintelligence Interrogation. At the agency, pressure increased to field-test coercive interrogation tools. The task, as CIA second-in-command Richard Helms urged, was to test the agency's techniques on "normal" people. At times, this imperative made the agency reckless. As part of the now notorious MK-ULTRA program—"one of the seamiest episodes in American intelligence," according to journalist Seymour Hersh—the CIA set up a safe house in San Francisco where its agents could observe the effects of various drug combinations on human behavior. They were in search of a "truth serum" and thought LSD might be it. Prostitutes were hired to bring unwitting johns back to the house, where the women slipped acid and other strong psychoactive substances into the men's drinks. From behind a one-way mirror, investigators watched, notebooks and martinis in hand. Sometimes the men took the drugs and managed to carry on. Sometimes they babbled or cried. An internal CIA review condemned these high jinks in 1963, but Congress didn't investigate them until 1977, after a post-Watergate crisis of confidence in the agency.
At least officially, the CIA ended its behavioral science program in the mid-1960s, before scientists and operatives achieved total control over a subject. "All experiments beyond a certain point always failed," an operative veteran of the program said, "because the subject jerked himself back for some reason or the subject got amnesiac or catatonic." In other words, you could create a vegetable or a zombie, but not a robot who would obey you against his will. Still, the CIA had gained reliable information about how to derange and disorient a person who was reluctant to cooperate. An enemy could quickly be made into a confused and desperate human being.
Since 9/11, as government documents and news reports have made clear, the CIA's experimental approach to coercive interrogation has been revived. Last week, as the Washington Post revealed the existence of secret CIA-run prisons—"black sites"—in Eastern Europe, Vice President Dick Cheney continued to campaign to ensure that the agency will not be prevented from using "cruel, inhumane, and degrading" methods to elicit intelligence from detainees. The operatives of the 1940s would approve.
Correction, Nov. 18, 2005: The article originally referred to the CIA's Technology and Science Directorate. The correct title is the Science and Technology Directorate.

What Have I Done?

I can't believe I resigned from my job, that I actually went through with it.

The Boss is really the Big Boss, the Manager is below him, and the Boss's brother is Hitler in disguise, because he is the boss's brother, and abuses his position. I also work a full 6 day week which is really draining.

I must admit, I had planned to leave last year, in early October, but a few weeks later decided not to go through with it. Departing from my money source was making me uneasy. I had spoken to the Boss in September about the hours being too long and having too many "Chief's". He told me to sort it out, and left me to it. In the meantime, he went on holidays. Hitler gave me an absolute blast about a perceived wrongdoing. He was yelling so close and loud, his spit was landing in my face. He would not let me speak a word, everytime I tried, he yelled louder. If he had bothered to ask me, I could have given him a very simple explanation.

I had been due for leave in November, but the Boss cancelled it because of low staffing levels. I just didn't want to hear it, you know how it is when you need time off. Being close to breaking point is uncomfortable, especially when it is stretched out and out.

Two days before I was due to go, I had a heap of stuff to do, unfortunatly I am the only one who knows how to do it. My bit involves a government dept. user id and password. I was feeling quite ill, which is unusual for me. I had eaten Beef in Black Bean Sauce for dinner the previous night, maybe that was the cause, or possibly just stress.

I am really a conscientious employee, and don't take sickies often, but this day I should have stayed home. I had the Boss yelling in one ear to do something, and then when he was out of sight, the Manager would tell me to do something completely different. I am really intimidated when men yell at me, just can't help it.

By this time I was close to tears and decided to have a coffee and smoke. When I had calmed down a little, I went back upstairs. The Manager had another go at me, and I really don't know what came over me in those few seconds in time. I threw the cup of coffee and it smashed on the wall, grabbed my bag and keys and left. I retreated to the park around the corner, where I spent the next couple of hours in tears.

When I got myself back together, and being a loyal employee, I went back to work.. I was obviously looking upset, red eyes etc. Low and behold, the Manager had another go at me. That was it, I lost the plot and wrote a letter of resignation stating: I hereby resign from my position as xxxx, effective 1 month from today, due to bullying and harrassment in the workplace, and non negotiable working hours, as dscussed with you in September 2007. I signed it and walked out.

My husband works shift, so when I arrived home he was pretty surprised. I told him I had resigned, and went to bed, with a bucket in hand, just in case.

My phone kept ringing, so I turned it off. In the evening, the home phone rang, and I didn't answer that either, but my other half did. I could have killed him (not really killed), I didn't want to speak to the Boss, but I did. I told him everything, and guess what he said? "I don't know anything about it, I thought everything was fine and you had sorted it out". What do you think about it? Is he Deaf, blind or stupid, or all three? A case of "Ostrich", burying his head in the sand, and ignoring everything.

He got such a shock, he sent me on leave at the end of the following day. No-one said boo to me, which was pure bliss, and I was able to complete the balace of paperwork.

If I was employed in a larger work place, I may have taken it further. That was my thought at the time, but after a lot of soul searching, I realised the experience would be extremely traumatic. I had had enough of that already.

The Boss has rung me a couple of times during my leave, to see how I am going, and also asked me to come in and see him. Guess What? "I am short staffed, can you fill in from the 25/3 until the end of April?" I said yes, I guess that's loyalty again.

Grand Prix Weekend

What an interesting few days we had.

It's just about the end of 4 weeks Rec. Leave. We have had a great time, mostly in our own back yard (Victoria).

We decided to drive to Melbourne last Saturday, after spending a few days in the City last week, there was way too much to see and do in such a short stay.


We went to the Eureka Skydeck, 88 stories high. Because it is Grand Prix weekend, we were treated to an awesome display from the Airforce F/A 18 jets. At 88 stories high, let me tell you, the view was truly amazing. The jets noise output is absolutely phenomenal.


http://www.eurekaskydeck.com.au/cool-tower-facts.asp



We also visited the Art Gallery, one particular exhibition by an Asain photographer, whose name I don't remember. I don't think we are the arty types. While everyone was deadly serious, we were trying to stop laughing. It was a series of photo's on nude men, just backsides with private parts extending, here and there.

They were all talking about 'light and shade', and other expressions of artiness. I honestly couldn't see the point. Anyway, I was disappointed in the exhibition, we must have stayed a whole 2 minutes.

We moved on to the Middle Eastern Artifacts, and then I got angry. Little typed up cards saying "This was removed from the tomb of "whoever", and that was the seal of "so and so". I had to leave, although I was terribly interested. How dare they take someone else's heritage?


Sunday we did a day hike in the Mountains, with backpacks. Round 20k's or so. We met up with two snakes, a Red Bellied Black on one side of the hill, and a King Brown on the other. It was so hot, and they were sluggish. Lucky for us! We just rattled stones around until they moved out of our way.




It has been so hot over the last few days, into the evening as well. Usually at this time of year, the evenings are cool. Can't wait for winter and cool crisp days, with bright moonlight at night.

Stateless

I arrived in Australia at 8 months of age, on my Mum's British Passport, have never left the country, and have never considered myself to be anything other than an Aussie. Imagine my shock when I found out I wasn't one!

I am apparently stateless, and cannot get a passport. To gain citizenship here, I have to have a Permanent Resident’s Visa, which I don't have. To gain a Permanent Resident's Visa, I have to provide my Passport, which I have never had.

I thought I'd try the British Consulate, and get a Passport that way, so I am able to gain Citizenship here. I can't do that either, my Birth Certificate means nothing unless I can provide my parents certified British Marriage Certificate. No can do! They were married in Iran, Dad was working as an Engineer for Anglo Iranian Petroleum and my Mum an English Interpreter. I'm pretty sure England would not have a copy of an Iranian Wedding Certificate. I was going to ring them, but baulked at paying $1.10 per minute to listen to an automated voice and $2.65 per minute to speak to a human.

My Dad died here, I have been married, divorced and re-married, had 4 children, buried one of them, received Family Allowance for all of them, had a Centrelink number, have held an Australian Driver’s Licence since I was 18, worked most of my life, have a mortgage, voted, and paid my taxes. During this time I have spent 9 years as a volunteer Foster Parent with Anglicare, received a Victorian award for services rendered to Foster Care, and been an instructor in Bellydance for the local Neighbourhood House.

According to Immigration, I do not exist, but I do have an appointment with them on the 24th of April, where I have the privilege of doing a Citizenship Test, and if I pass, will be able to state my case, but am not guaranteed anything. I am not entitled to vote, although I have done so since I was 18. I am not allowed to do Jury Duty, but have been called upon to do just that on several occasions. Legally, at this point if I were to apply for a Tax File Number, I could not do so, because I can’t provide my Passport.

A conundrum, I am not in Australia, but also cannot get out of her, neither am I British, even if I was born there, neither am I Iranian. I feel totally alienated that I don’t count for anything, that my life in Australia, or anywhere for that matter, may as well be nonexistent. .

The Bag in the Cupboard Part Three of Three

The bag in the cupboard has been there for years. I have never opened it. It taunts me every time I open the door.

I have scrutinised it for a long time, several years in fact. I have stared at it for hours on end. It sits there begging to be opened.

At first, I didn't want to put it in there. I wanted to hurl it away from me, but I couldn't. I tried, time and time again. It has a hold over me like nothing else ever has.

I hate that bag, but at the same time I love it, and touch in tenderly.

If I hold it tight, it makes me cry. Damn bag. Throw it away, my mind tells me. Keep it, my heart tells me.

Which one do I listen to?

I even know the contents of that bag, I have seen them before. Damn that bag and damn it again.

If I open the bag, the contents will tear me apart. If I do not open the bag, it remains there taunting me, teasing me.

She wore what is in that bag. I can't bear to look. I can't bear not to look