Angels Treasure

An emotive portrait by itself, without taking into account the memory of a child that is lost to you.

The meaning of lost doesn't necessarily mean dead. There are many ways to lose a child, death is one that I have already experienced. Drugs and alcohol are two more, but you love them always, no matter what.

I've been told to implement "tough love", a strategy for a parent to use in times of crises. I don't think I can do it, I'm not that strong.

I keep waiting for a call that says he is dead, or one that says he has had another heart attack, due to drug and alcohol abuse. Note: I said 'another'.

For months I have been unable to sleep, except on rare occasions. For months every time my head hits the pillow, I have panic attacks. Every time I shut my eyes his face appears. I don't know what to do any more. In my own way, I am as lost as he is.

I have had this pic for months, I have written about it many times and not published anything. It's to damn hard.

NO ANGEL HALOSCAN COMMENTS

A word of warning about Haloscan. Several really: Don't use their system.

I went looking for my old comments at Haloscan and found you can't access them because they are archieved. How do you access your comments? This is where the almighty $$$$$ come in. You have to pay for an upgraded account, then magically, they become UN archieved!

Don't ask for help in their forum's, you get ridiculed, and definitely won't get any help at all.

How do you uninstall Haloscan? Next to impossible if you have used the auto install method. I went searching for help and found something that was supposed to work, went into edit html, and the bit I was suppose to clip (in 3 different places) was the 'blogger' original html. Haloscan html wasn't there.

I went searching again, and after reading half the night, came to the conclusion it was impossible. There are literally 2,020 questions asking how to UN INSTAll Haloscan.

I found the only way to do it is to install a new template, which is what I did, but all the comments have gone.

Anyone know how to get them back? HELP Yes, I did back up my blog, but have no idea about how to get my comments back.

A Special Day for Angel - Revised

It is definitely a special day for Angel.

I met my cousins for the first time. They are both gorgeous, and down to earth. We have so much in common, it's eerie!

They're AMERICAN, and have never voted for Bush, don't you just love 'em?

Anti war, anti OIL, anti Middle East meddling, anti Bush, and pro Obama. What more could a girl ask for? I'm in heaven.

I won't say more at the moment, we have another 2 days of talking to go, so a whole lot more info to come.

Just one thing. They speak funny!!! Not really, they were both surprisingly easy to understand, unlike another US rellie.

We talked and ate, talked and ate. I think we were all worn out!

It was very different for me, having someone related, apart from Mum. It was special, I guess you could say. Overwhelming, more people to love and again leave.

To my beautiful cousins:

Shlamee oo khoobee. Gatee pesgeenee t'kharro deeman'e.

http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/

Angel the Ice Queen

There are many times in my life where I have been called the "Ice Queen.

The reason? Because I don't show emotion. I never react at the time disaster strikes, it's always behind closed doors, when everyone is tucked up, and fast asleep.

I guess the posts going back to The Bag in the Cupboard, parts 1, 2, and 3, are the one's to hi light the reason behind the name.

I can tell a story as the 'third' party looking in, although in fact I am usually one of the main characters. Most of my posts are real life experiences and looking back, I know when the pattern commenced.

I know exactly how long it will take me to react to a disaster, pinpoint to the hour that I will allow myself to cry, and know when I will have the required repercussion to the event, a panic attack or two, maybe three.

I have the ability to be involved, yet remain apart at the same time. Until that particular time comes, when I fall apart. Hence the title, "Ice Queen". Do I deserve the title? I struggle to keep everyone together in a crisis, when they are falling apart, I sacrifice a part of me to keep them together.

I have been asked to read a Eulogy. I don't think I can do it, in fact I know I cannot. Not only that, I don't want to do it. The reason? I will lose my title, and cry. People will make a fuss, I'll get comments like "that's a first", or "look, she's crying."

I want to keep my title intact. The question is, at what cost?

I might add that "Ice", the word, is much closer to my family than I would like it to be.

http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/

Blogocracy - Farewell

Blogocracy was the first blog I made a comment on. I read and watched for weeks before I had the nerve to write something.

I met some great people there, some of whom I keep in touch with. One of my "blue" friends, Grandfanali, took his own life. I cried my heart out when I heard. We had some great conversations, funny and sad.

John McP was great with facts and figures, you could always count on orang for backup on ME topics, Elise with a level head, Often Bark has :) bad taste in music, (sorry) sometimes, although he, orang and Tim gave me lessons on great guitarists, it didn't work. There is always a nasty pasty, I won't mention names, who gave me grief. Two of them. There are so many names there, without faces, that are 'friends' of a kind. A part of my life for such a long time.

Of course, it all would have been impossible without Tim. Thankyou Tim, for giving me some great entertainment, serious discussions on topics close to my heart. I didn't stop reading, I stopped commenting on everything that was serious. There was, and still is a reason, but will keep that to myself, for the time being.

Anyway, thanks to everyone. It was my pleasure to be a part of it.

http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/

Catching the Falling Angel

Some of us fly high and some of us fall. This is a falling time.

I had never heard of Polycystic Kidney Disease or Pernicious Aneamia, until yesterday. Today I was educated. I really didn't want to know, prefer to bury my head in the sand. It's autosomal dominant.

One phone call said it all. I was shocked, didn't believe what I was hearing, this is not happening, can't be happening.

At this time, she has refused Dialysis, and she is having an allergic reaction to the B12 injections, therefore needs blood transfusions. For the rest of whatever life she has left. There is no quick fix, actually there is no fix at all.

"Hello?" Her: " I want you to do something for me" Me: "Hmmm, does it need to be done today? Oh, you better tell me what it is first." Her: "I want you to organise an Enduring Power of Attorney" Me: "A what?" Her: "An Enduring Power of Attorney" Me: "What is it, and what's it for?"

The explanation was hard, the implications worse, the prognosis shocking. What do you say after hearing that? Of course I'll do it, no problems? She's basically telling me she's dying, and needs someone to take care of all aspects of her life. She doesn't want anyone else to do it. I am really angry with her. Go and get another opinion, do something. I don't want to do this, it's not my job, give it to someone else.

Me: .....................................................................................silence. Her: "Helloooo!! Are you listening?" (Of course I'm bloody listening, I'm dying inside, I don't know what to say) Me: "Um, OK. When do you want me to do it?" Her: "As soon as possible. Don't procrastinate, just organise it". Me: "Of course I'll do it, I'll get to it sometime this week, as soon as I can organise a day off". Her: "Allright, I'll hear from you soon. Bye".

The next day: Me: "Hi Mum" Her: "Hi Angel". Me: "How are you?" Her: "I'm well, and how are you?" (What do you mean, you're well? You're not well, you just told me yesterday that you weren't) Me: "I'm good". Her: "I forgot to tell you yesterday that Dr P said I needed to let you know that the PKD is autosomal dominent, and you need to tell your Doctor as soon as possible". Me: "And that means what, exactly?" Her: "It's hereditary, there is a 50% chance you have it, your Grandmother had them and both your Aunts, as well.". Me: "When did you find out all of this?" Her: "Oh, years ago, but I didn't take much notice, I used to call them 'polkadots on my kidneys, and they have spread to my liver and pancreas as well". Me: "When did you know it was hereditary?" Her: "Yesterday, Dr. P thought I already knew because I've had it for such a long time, before he became my Doctor. Me: OK, thanks. I'll make an appointment to see Dr. C .

I'll be in touch as soon as I've sorted somethign out".

http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/

The Opposite of an Angel

I wasn't ready to write on the topic of Assyrians, Iraq or the Middle East, and I'm still not right. But...... if ever there was one, this is it.

It seems the Turks are at it again. Will they never let go of the Assyrians? Like a Bull Terrior with a vice like grip. I'm not saying all Assyrians are Angels, but there has to be a limit of endurance somewhere down the line.

The historical persecution of Assyrians through the centuries, especially by Kurds and Turks is very well documented. To this day, the Kurds ignore it, and the Turks deny it. There is still living proof of long gone massacres, yet they may as well not exist.

According to the UN, and it's Indigenous People of the World Council, Assyrians are the indigenous people of Iraq. Yet they are ignored, again and again, and for what purpose?

Total control. They have been trying for centuries, yet they can't quite get there. The "poor" Kurds are unable to whip the Christians into submission, so they kill them instead. Bravo.
http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/

Believe in Angels

Angels are everywhere? Oh,you poor things. I have enough trouble with just me, let alone any more Angels.

I had the pits of a weekend. I did a major stuff up at work, actually I didn't do it, but I didn't check something I should have, instead I assumed. I got my backside kicked, too.

I deserved it, but I don't like being wrong. Therein lies the problem. Like a naughty child, I answered back. Because "she, who can do no wrong" is always right. That's not me, by the way, that's one of the other employees. She is always right, even if she's wrong.

After all these years of multiple people complaining about her, being fed up with the lies coming from her mouth, she is still believed. Customers complain about her, and she gets away with it.

Why? She makes money for the company, that's why. She's loyal, and they own her, body and soul. I could give names of at least 60 people who have made a verbal complaint against her, but because of the industry I work in, will not formalise in writing. They are, I guess you could call them vunerable. They are not at a strong point in their lives. is the only way I can put it without telling you exactly what industry it is.

Apart from that, I don't want to get into any more trouble!!! I email the boss now and then, but have to make sure I use my other email address, just in case she happens accross my ramblings here.

My team lost the Grandfinal on Saturday, but they weren't humiliated. They played a good game most of the time, but why did they send Gary Ablett to the back line, instead of forward at the beginning? Never mind, there is always next year.

Next post I hope to be back to 'normal', although I am told 'normal' is a cycle on a washing machine.

Angels Eye (RAQ)

For the first time in ages I am starting to feel good, like my old self, with out the old bit.

I've read the comment sections on 2 blogs, instead of just reading the article. I haven't done that in ages, and I remember why I stopped.

Some people make the most inane remarks. I wonder if they can see their lack of sensitivity on certain topics, you know, the one's close to my heart

For instance on Last of Iraqis, the following: Iraq is not a major conflict. Is that supposed to be a joke, or is the commenter just a clutz?

I have yet to read Arab Woman Blues comment section. Who knows what one will find there.

In other news, my Mum's book has been reviewed and made front page news here, and has also been reviewed in the USA. Many thanks to my cousin, who's hard work has paid off. Mum received her first Royalty cheque today. Not much, but better than nothing.

Janice is missing again, but I have found B. I have been very neglectful of my blogging friends, and sites I usually comment on. Apologies to all. Sh*t happens in your life that you have no control over, when that happens I don't talk, or should I say don't write and/or communicate.
http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/

Pretending Republican Angel

Hello Cousins!

The rellies are coming to visit. All the way from the USA. Two cousins I have never met, one of which I talk to via email, and the other doesn't have a computer, as far as I know. They will arive on the 18th of November.

The Democrats did it! It wasn't me, honestly. I didn't write all that insulting stuff, it was someone else.

It was one of those Democrats. Truly. No, Cranium Departus (Republican)

They are only staying a few days in the sticks. I don't know their views on the Middle East. I only know one cousin's views, but she isn't one of my visitors. One holds a similar viewpoint to me, regarding 'alternative' beliefs. I know she is a brilliant editor, and very clever with words.

Time to be nice, I think. :)
http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/

Angry Mad Angels

Have I or haven't I? Gone mad, that is .I have taken down more posts about work. Decided if I kept putting things in the public eye, I would end up ????. Somewhere I shouldn't be.

So, a different topic for a while. A particularly nasty comment about Middle Eastern Christians/Iraqi Christians on Last of Iraqis blog. In fact, I am truly offended by the attitude.

The person has been shocked by comments made by ME Christians. Apparently we don't hold Christian values. How rude and obnoxious.

What about the KKK Christian values? Home grown terrorism, right in their own back yard. Are Americans proud of that and have the KKK values rubbed off on ordinary Americans? Rape, shoot, hang and burn. Hmmm, I may have a point there, shall we turn our heads towards Iraq for a few minutes?

What about the Christian values of militant groups in Northern Ireland? They make bombs, kill, and burn. That must be different sort of terrorism, because there are no Muslims about.

What a load of BS.
Apologies to Ian.
http://wwwyesterdayschildrenbook.com/

Angels Feathers Falling Out

I think my wings are falling off, from lack of use. Something is very weird and strange. What is it? NOTHING, that's what's strange.

Everything is flowing smoothly, see what I mean? Think I like it, and could get used to it very easily.

The job seems to be working out, the car is great, I have the whole weekend off, and I am not homesick. I have even got used to not seeing Diesel.

See what I mean? NORMAL, well nearly. Janice has gone missing, along with B, and I hope they are OK.

I have got hooked on a game, which is not like me at all. It is mesmerising, and all I do all night is shoot balls. It is Absolutist Bubbles. I haven't blogged, nor opened my email for a couple of weeks.

Maybe it is me who has gone missing? Probably. I have tried not to play, but I have to, it's like a drug. Not that I take drugs, well only prescription one's.

I danced in front of an audience for the first time in 4 years, it was impromptu, but fun. I have lost a little of the 'flow' with the movement. Something that was a little different for me, I didn't have a glass of gin and half a tranquiler beforehand. That was probably because it wasn't planned, and I didn't agonise over it prior to. Anyway, the best thing was everyone had a little fun, and we all need fun in our lives now and then.

This is Amazing

Angel's Bellydancing.

Personally, I like the Toad. She (I am assuming is it a she), looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and is not smiling! I wonder why?

Maybe she is doing a belly roll, it's hard to smile while you are concentrating on belly rolls, especially one's that are timed to the drum, eg: a sharp drop from the diaphragm to the pelvic bone.

On the other hand I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I haven't danced in weeks, not since this mess started, but I am now in the mood, and it feels fantastic.

It feels good to be back to normal, or as normal as I can get it. G is suffering from cabin fever though. It's funny that his starts as mine lifts. That's possibly because I have been here 4 weeks longer than him.

I still don't know what to do with the house, G wants to sell. I am not sure about that, and want to wait a much longer period. House prices are down, and mortgage rates rising. I think we owe too much to make a sale worthwhile.





Anyway, I'm off to dance practice. Yea!

Angel Sitting Pretty

As my regular readers will have noticed, some of my posts have disappeared. If you are wondering why, think back to those posts and you will understand the reasoning behind "WHY".

Everything has been turned around, except for one point which will be clarified tomorrow. Signed documents have been faxed. Hence, sitting pretty.

I bought a new car, pick it up on Wednesday. Not the preferred colour, but the deal was too good too miss. It goes like the clappers, and with me living on site, it will take 2 years to get to the first service!

I never thought I would buy one of these, but I was hooked after 5 minutes of driving. Don't like the colour of the body (black), but it's better than red. Nor do I like the red and black leather seats, which I will hide with seat covers. I do like the nice sleek lines and the sunroof.

What is it? It's Korean, made by the 5th largest vehicle manufacturer in the world.

Guess!

Angel Disconnected

Disconnected, that's me. For a few days at least. We make the big move tomorrow. Well G does, really. I have to work.

Interesting scenario, a man packing! What will he leave out?

Knickers, I bet. Makeup, hair brush, toothpaste, toilet rolls, I can see myself travelling back and forth every day for a week.


Never mind, I love him any which way.

Anyway, I definitely will be back, just not sure when.

And what happened at today's meting? You'll have to wait and find out!

Angel Spies

I spy with my little eye, something starting with ......
Really, I don't know, but I will think of something!

I got the following quote from one of the Information Clearing House Newsletters. It seemed appropriate.

"The nationalist not only does not disapprove of atrocities committed by his own side, but he has a remarkable capacity for not even hearing about them": George Orwell

This is so obvious, it nearly slaps you in the face. I'm referring, of course to that bunch of people who refuse to see the US Admin. for what it is. A bully.

The following, an email I received from a family member. I couldn't believe what I was reading, the Democrats get the blame.

The economy is cyclical and has nothing to do with Bush. Oil prices have been high all over the world and the democrats, who are living the life of Riley, haven't allowed us to drill for our own resources which we have and want us to hound everyone else in the world for their resources. It is ludicrous. This is a planet that we live on that has it's own evolution. Resources are diminished and then there are none left. By not allowing us to drill for our own resources, while we are working on other methods of energy, has now put us in a situation that we are at the beck and call of the middle east. People here are complaining as well about energy prices but do you think the congress and the governors will reduce the high taxes they have added to the fuel costs. Nearly 40% of our per gallon gas cost is taxes for the government who is just pissing away money on ridiculous pork barrel spending. Actually are largest oil importer for the US is Canada and then Mexico...not the middle east.The economy will turn around this year for everyone.

When I went to ****** last year, I was surprised how negative the news is about the US. Much of the news was biased and inaccurate. Everyone loves to hate the big guy. We do more for poor countries than any other country. For example when the tsunami happened a few years ago, there was much comment in the international news about the US not giving money. Here it is different. The people give the money as well as the government. It is our culture. The amount of money donated between the people and the government was statistically higher in percentage than any other country in the world. Some here say we should just stopped loaning and giving money away and let us here what the complaint is then.

I don't believe in protectionism but I do get tired of hearing how bad we are. The world hears about Hollywood which is a fraction of a percent of what the rest of the country is like.

So, I went looking for Tsunami money, and this is what I found at http://www.virtual/ library.com

Donations in absolute terms, showing that Norwegians donated the most per head of population ($13.20) followed by the Swedes ($12.04), the Dutch ($9.16) the Australians ($5.23) and so on, down to the Americans with a donation of $1.08 per head, and the French, whose per head donation amounted to 80 US cents. The Observer table places Saudi Arabs in the middle of the pack, at No. 6 with a donation of $4 per head, but still outranking Canadians, Austrians, Brits, Greeks, Americans and French in their generosity.

Well, I guess that is one myth busted, and the following is another. http://gravmag.com/oil/html who have some great statistics about US oil. Funny, isn't it? The US SELL 10,000 barrels of oil a day. Who would have thought it?

Now for the Democrats, I have no idea about US politics, but I'm pretty sure that the Republicans have been in power these last 8 years. I'm also sure that the American public voted Bush in twice. And it's the Democrats fault? Hmmmm.

I'll leave you with that thought. It's not Bush's fault, nor the Republicans, it's the big bad Democrats, Just got to love that logic.

Apologies to family member! We all have an opinion.

Angel of Sorrow

As the time draws closer for me to leave, I am in turmoil. On the outside I have a 'stiff upper lip', on the inside I am devastated.

What will I take with me, what will I leave behind?

I have a great idea! Can I leave myself behind? I am thinking about this quite seriously.

Meanwhile, I think I have found Diesel a good home. The people 2 doors up had two Saints that died of old age, and are buried in their back yard. I approached them a couple of days ago, and they have been taking Diesel for 'visits', to see if he gets on well with their dog. So far, so good.

The cat is taken care of. My next door neighbour has offered to adopt her, which is great. I didn't even have to ask, she approached me.

I have bought furniture for the new place, bed, dining, TV, recliners, fridge. It cost a small fortune, but what the heck, I have a credit card. I did however, look for bargains, and I found them. There is a lot on offer at the moment, as traders are feeling the credit squeeze.

Meanwhile, my co worker has decided she is going to take a long weekend, included in that are my 2 days off, which I have to cover. How am I supposed to move and work at the same time?

I have discovered lots of little things. EG: She will work a public holiday, to get a day in lieu. Monday is her allocated day off, which is a public holiday, so therefore, she is working. I did a bit of spying on our competitors, on my day off. She came along as well, and we met at the site. She said she had to go early, as she had an appointment, but what didn't she say? That it was my client. So, SHE got $1000 commission, and I missed out. This is the second time.

I was also told to watch out with what I say in front of her, as she has been employed there for so long, and she sabotages her co-workers. She does this my being intentionally rude, deliberately misinterpreting an innocent remark, and telling tales about their misdemeanours, until they have had enough, and leave. She then complains that she has to do it all by herself, and wonders why no one likes her.

The staff that she considers are in the "lesser" dept. ( I can't tell you what or where),absolutely hate her. None of those people have said a word directly to me, but they say it to their Manager, who in turn tells me to watch out, and we never had this conversation.

Well, I am learning my lesson. She has made the odd remark now and then, which I have been suspicious about. I don't trust her, and it is making me nervous about the whole moving thing. I mean, there are now two jobs at stake now. If I stand up to her re my clients, what is her position on G going to be? Actually, I don't have to ask that question, I already know the answer.

I am just about ready to put my tail between my legs, turn around and hi-tail it out of there.

Now I remember why I have usually chosen a male dominated workplace. What a BITCH!

Up Side Down Angel

This Angel is up side down. Not just the picture, that's me, upside down, back to front, in side out, and sideways. My world has reached a fork in the road, and is about to change big time.

Bye bye house with no neighbours, my stunning unbroken view of the mountains, my peace and quiet, and my privacy.

My beautiful Diesel, and the cat we inherited when we bought the house, both have to go.

Why? G has a new job. He has to live on site, no animals. So, weigh it all up on the scales, my husband or Diesel and the house? Husband, of course.

I have decided to keep two houses going for a while, just in case I hate it, or I have to get away, or............for whatever reason. I don't want to sell it, or rent it out, it's my piece of heaven, my retreat and half of my world.

It's thrown me. I have to support G in is career move. Really I don't have a choice, he has supported me through all my life choices and changes. It's about time he had some good stuff developing, especially after everything that has happened to him this year.

He handed in his resignation at work yesterday afternoon. The wheels of a Government department have been put into motion, no turning back now.

So, I have been feeling pretty awful since last night, unsettled, and today I'm freaking out. I thought I'd be fine, but I'm not. I don't want to move my furniture either, that would put the seal of finality in place. I have no idea what to do.

Bush Talking with the Lord.

NO ANGELS HERE. PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY
I have been trying to link a video from owned.com, called Some George Bush Moments. It keeps coming up as Blacklisted.

If you manage to find the clip, it's well worth while. It's more like Bush Bloopers. In the first bit he's trying to deliver the State of the Union address, and he can't remember what it's called, and says "Call it whatever you want".
This one is reasonably close to the one on owned.com:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh4s6i4-7dg
Here's another to go on with:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ux3DKxxFoM