This pic gives me the absolute creeps. The girl reminds me so much of someone that is no longer with me. Same face, same eyes, same hair. My spine started to tingle, and my senses became super alert. The air seemed to crackle with I don't know what.Questions:
Does a parent ever forget? If they do, how long does it take? Do you ever stop feeling guilty or blaming yourself for (in this case) an avoidable accident. When does your heart stop breaking? Do the tears subside?
I wish I knew the answers. Same old story. When I close my eyes at night, all the awful things that have happened seem to just come to the fore. I can't stop thinking about them.
I learned to meditate, it took a long time but I did it. I used to imagine a house in the mountains, on top of a hill covered in snow, and a view of the valley below. I'm physically at a similar place now, but can no longer meditate.
I think I need to get back to basics, give myself a bit of leeway. We have a break of 10 days coming up. I want to go to my spiritual home and spend a few days there. Maybe that will put me on the right track, so I can save myself. Again. Thank goodness for a husband who understands.
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