I've been reading quite a bit of a night, lately. The trend is a little disturbing, hence I am not going to be Angelic at all. I'll cut straight to the chase.
I'm pretty well honest, straight down the line. Above all else, I would put honesty first in any sort of relationship, be it home, work, play or blogging.
Most bloggers are annonymous, some good, some bad. Anyone who has built up a reputation cannot afford to make a mistake. For example: A regularly abusive commenter, which makes more timid bloggers less likely to comment.
I have been visiting a certain blog lately, that is showing disturbing trends, bordering on either abusive, or just plain straight out bitchiness.
I've been in that position before, where one person can basically get away with anything, whereas another who comments on this trend, is deemed a 'troll'.
Now, bitchiness is another thing I dislike. When one says something out of spite, they will probably get a reply from the recipient, who is a little upset at being antagonised for no real reason. The first party realises she has made a mistake in front of everyone on the blog, then in a completely condescending manor, makes light of it.
Then there are the people who comment under a variety of names, some very clever and adept at not getting caught out. I actually tried this out, but couldn't continue being several people at once. Too hard to keep up with the lies.
The other label, which I didn't include is Reformed Nasties. You never know if you can trust them or not. You read their posts, but decide never to comment because you don't feel secure. There is no trust, and probably never will be.
I decided to just be me. What you see is what you get. Attack with an argument, don't attack the man, don't be condescending, and never underestimate.
A friend emailed me the olther day, told me others were not euipped to deal with my straight out, down to earth attitude. He's probably right. I cut close to the chase. Deal with it.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Angels "D" Day
"D" stress Day. Finally at home, for 10 days straight. No boss, no clients, phones turned off. Ahhhh! Beautiful, peaceful in my little piece of Paradise, anyway.
Things are not so well in other parts of the world. I realise there are other wars being fought, apart from the Middle East, but can't worry about them all.
Meanwhile you should watch this piece from Information Clearing House, titled Justifying War Crimes. Interesting that Israel and the US get to contravene International Humanitarian Law. How do we let them get away with this?
http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article21832.htm
The Gaza war will be followed by more violence until Israelis and Palestinians create a state called "Isratine" where they can live together in peace, Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi said in remarks published on Thursday. This from http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article21827.htm
As is usual now, Iraq is forgotten by the Western News Services. We should get news, good or bad, but we all know that unless it is radical, we won't hear it. Typical.
I don't know how someone can live through this, I feel bad enough thinking about it. For these next few days I think I have to force myself to NOT think about it. "D" stress Day.
Things are not so well in other parts of the world. I realise there are other wars being fought, apart from the Middle East, but can't worry about them all.
Meanwhile you should watch this piece from Information Clearing House, titled Justifying War Crimes. Interesting that Israel and the US get to contravene International Humanitarian Law. How do we let them get away with this?
http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article21832.htm
The Gaza war will be followed by more violence until Israelis and Palestinians create a state called "Isratine" where they can live together in peace, Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi said in remarks published on Thursday. This from http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article21827.htm
As is usual now, Iraq is forgotten by the Western News Services. We should get news, good or bad, but we all know that unless it is radical, we won't hear it. Typical.
I don't know how someone can live through this, I feel bad enough thinking about it. For these next few days I think I have to force myself to NOT think about it. "D" stress Day.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Angels Child
This pic gives me the absolute creeps. The girl reminds me so much of someone that is no longer with me. Same face, same eyes, same hair. My spine started to tingle, and my senses became super alert. The air seemed to crackle with I don't know what.
Questions:
Does a parent ever forget? If they do, how long does it take? Do you ever stop feeling guilty or blaming yourself for (in this case) an avoidable accident. When does your heart stop breaking? Do the tears subside?
I wish I knew the answers. Same old story. When I close my eyes at night, all the awful things that have happened seem to just come to the fore. I can't stop thinking about them.
I learned to meditate, it took a long time but I did it. I used to imagine a house in the mountains, on top of a hill covered in snow, and a view of the valley below. I'm physically at a similar place now, but can no longer meditate.
I think I need to get back to basics, give myself a bit of leeway. We have a break of 10 days coming up. I want to go to my spiritual home and spend a few days there. Maybe that will put me on the right track, so I can save myself. Again. Thank goodness for a husband who understands.
Questions:
Does a parent ever forget? If they do, how long does it take? Do you ever stop feeling guilty or blaming yourself for (in this case) an avoidable accident. When does your heart stop breaking? Do the tears subside?
I wish I knew the answers. Same old story. When I close my eyes at night, all the awful things that have happened seem to just come to the fore. I can't stop thinking about them.
I learned to meditate, it took a long time but I did it. I used to imagine a house in the mountains, on top of a hill covered in snow, and a view of the valley below. I'm physically at a similar place now, but can no longer meditate.
I think I need to get back to basics, give myself a bit of leeway. We have a break of 10 days coming up. I want to go to my spiritual home and spend a few days there. Maybe that will put me on the right track, so I can save myself. Again. Thank goodness for a husband who understands.
Labels:
Accidental Death,
Angels,
Children,
Guilt,
Meditation
Saturday, January 17, 2009
MAIMONIDEAN CODE & TALMUD
http://www.biblebelievers.org.au/jewhis.htm
Read this link. Fascinating, written by Prof. Israel Shahak, Jewish Historian. He says of his OWN Religion "a world sunk in the most abject superstition, fanaticism, and ignorance ..." Below this another review, from another source. It's worth reading.
"Does not their Talmud say, and do not their rabbis write, that it is no sin to kill if a Jew kills a heathen, but it is a sin if he kills a brother in Israel? It is no sin if he does not keep his oath to a heathen. Therefore, to steal and rob, as they do with their usury, from a heathen is a divine service. For they hold that they cannot be too hard on us nor sin against us, because they are of the noble blood and circumcised saints; we, however, are cursed goyim. And they are the masters of the world, and we are their servants, yea, their cattle...
Well, what can one say? IT IS NO SIN TO KILL A PALESTINIAN???
"In 1962 a part of the Maimonidean Code ... the so-called Book of Knowledge, which contains the most basic rules of Jewish faith and practice, was published in Jerusalem in a bilingual edition, with the English translation facing the Hebrew text. The latter has been restored to its original purity, and the command to exterminate Jewish infidels appears in it in full: "It is a duty to exterminate them with one's own hands." In the English translation this is somewhat softened to: "It is a duty to take active measures to destroy them." But then the Hebrew text goes on to specify the prime examples of "infidels"who must be exterminated: "Such as Jesus of Nazareth and his pupils, and Tzadoqand Baitos [the founders of the Sadducean sect] and their pupils, may the name of the wicked rot." Not one word of this appears in the English text on the facing page (78a). And, even more significant, in spite of the wide circulation of this book among scholars in the English-speaking countries, not one of them has, as far as I know, protested against this glaring deception."
Read this link. Fascinating, written by Prof. Israel Shahak, Jewish Historian. He says of his OWN Religion "a world sunk in the most abject superstition, fanaticism, and ignorance ..." Below this another review, from another source. It's worth reading.
"Does not their Talmud say, and do not their rabbis write, that it is no sin to kill if a Jew kills a heathen, but it is a sin if he kills a brother in Israel? It is no sin if he does not keep his oath to a heathen. Therefore, to steal and rob, as they do with their usury, from a heathen is a divine service. For they hold that they cannot be too hard on us nor sin against us, because they are of the noble blood and circumcised saints; we, however, are cursed goyim. And they are the masters of the world, and we are their servants, yea, their cattle...
Well, what can one say? IT IS NO SIN TO KILL A PALESTINIAN???
"In 1962 a part of the Maimonidean Code ... the so-called Book of Knowledge, which contains the most basic rules of Jewish faith and practice, was published in Jerusalem in a bilingual edition, with the English translation facing the Hebrew text. The latter has been restored to its original purity, and the command to exterminate Jewish infidels appears in it in full: "It is a duty to exterminate them with one's own hands." In the English translation this is somewhat softened to: "It is a duty to take active measures to destroy them." But then the Hebrew text goes on to specify the prime examples of "infidels"who must be exterminated: "Such as Jesus of Nazareth and his pupils, and Tzadoqand Baitos [the founders of the Sadducean sect] and their pupils, may the name of the wicked rot." Not one word of this appears in the English text on the facing page (78a). And, even more significant, in spite of the wide circulation of this book among scholars in the English-speaking countries, not one of them has, as far as I know, protested against this glaring deception."
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Angels= Good Taste, Israel= Bad Taste
This guy obviously has good taste. He has gone to the expense and trouble of having an Angel tattooed on his back. And, before you ask, I haven't got a clue as to who he is, but like the pic.
Talking of good taste. Israel hasn't got any, in fact doesn't have much going for it at all.
You know, I can't find anything nice to say about Israel at all. Not a thing. Their administration must have taken notes from GWB. OR, is it the other way around? They both have this inherent lack of humanity, say things with such smugness it makes you sick.
The humanitarian crises in Palestine is appalling. Israel bombed the UN for God's sake. They even said the UN compound was targeted because that's where the rockets were coming from. On top of that they apologised, and said they were mistaken. Meanwhile, much needed food and supplies for war torn Palestinians were destroyed, and more lives lost. Oops, nearly forgot that they bombed the Al-Quds Hospital.
Israel declined a cease fire. What does that say about them? After what they claim to have gone through, why are they in turn treating Palestinians like this? Don't they recognise human suffering any longer? HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN? No way. We are reminded of it at least once a week, via news, movies and endless documentaries.
ISRAEL: YOU HAVE LOST YOUR HEART. YOU HAVE LOST WORLD RESPECT. Most of all, you have KILLED INNOCENTS.
Another hand in glove with America. Why does that NOT surprise me?
You know, if this is what the God of the Israelites is all about, I don't want any part of him.
Talking of good taste. Israel hasn't got any, in fact doesn't have much going for it at all.
You know, I can't find anything nice to say about Israel at all. Not a thing. Their administration must have taken notes from GWB. OR, is it the other way around? They both have this inherent lack of humanity, say things with such smugness it makes you sick.
The humanitarian crises in Palestine is appalling. Israel bombed the UN for God's sake. They even said the UN compound was targeted because that's where the rockets were coming from. On top of that they apologised, and said they were mistaken. Meanwhile, much needed food and supplies for war torn Palestinians were destroyed, and more lives lost. Oops, nearly forgot that they bombed the Al-Quds Hospital.
Israel declined a cease fire. What does that say about them? After what they claim to have gone through, why are they in turn treating Palestinians like this? Don't they recognise human suffering any longer? HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN? No way. We are reminded of it at least once a week, via news, movies and endless documentaries.
ISRAEL: YOU HAVE LOST YOUR HEART. YOU HAVE LOST WORLD RESPECT. Most of all, you have KILLED INNOCENTS.
Another hand in glove with America. Why does that NOT surprise me?
You know, if this is what the God of the Israelites is all about, I don't want any part of him.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Israel, what have you done
Oh, Israel, what have you done??
I found the following, apparently nothing has changed. I have tried to publish with the link included twice here, and three times on another blog. What is that telling you? Zionists not happy with the criticism?
Quest for Justice. - By Judith StoneNovember 2002 . Originally published in the Kansas City Jewish Chronicle. The editor who accepted the article for publication was promptly fired.
I am a Jew. I was a participant in the Rally for the Right of Return to Palestine. It was the right thing to do. I've heard about the European holocaust against the Jews since I was a small child. I've visited the memorials in Washington, DC and Jerusalem dedicated to Jewish lives lost and I've cried at the recognition to what level of atrocity mankind is capable of sinking.
Where are the Jews of conscience? No righteous malice can be held against the survivors of Hitler's holocaust. These fragments of humanity were in no position to make choices beyond that of personal survival. We must not forget that being a survivor or a co-religionist of the victims of the European Holocaust does not grant dispensation from abiding by the rules of humanity.
"Never again" as a motto, rings hollow when it means "never again to us alone." My generation was raised being led to believe that the biblical land was a vast desert inhabited by a handful of impoverished Palestinians living with their camels and eking out a living in the sand. The arrival of the Jews was touted as a tremendous benefit to these desert dwellers. Golda Mier even assured us that there "is no Palestinian problem."
We know now this picture wasn't as it was painted. Palestine was a land filled with people who called it home. There were thriving towns and villages, schools and hospitals. There were Jews, Christians and Muslims. In fact, prior to the occupation, Jews represented a mere 7 percent of the population and owned 3 percent of the land.
Taking the blinders off for a moment, I see a second atrocity perpetuated by the very people who should be exquisitely sensitive to the suffering of others. These people knew what it felt like to be ordered out of your home at gun point and forced to march into the night to unknown destinations or face execution on the spot. The people who displaced the Palestinians knew first hand what it means to watch your home in flames, to surrender everything dear to your heart at a moment's notice. Bulldozers leveled hundreds of villages, along with the remains of the village inhabitants, the old and the young. This was nothing new to the world.
Poland is a vast graveyard of the Jews of Europe. Israel is the final resting place of the massacred Palestinian people. A short distance from the memorial to the Jewish children lost to the holocaust in Europe there is a leveled parking lot. Under this parking lot is what's left of a once flourishing village and the bodies of men, women and children whose only crime was taking up needed space and not leaving graciously. This particular burial marker reads: "Public Parking".
I've talked with Palestinians. I have yet to meet a Palestinian who hasn't lost a member of their family to the Israeli Shoah, nor a Palestinian who cannot name a relative or friend languishing under inhumane conditions in an Israeli prison. Time and time again, Israel is cited for human rights violations to no avail. On a recent trip to Israel, I visited the refugee camps inhabited by a people who have waited 52 years in these 'temporary' camps to go home. Every Palestinian grandparent can tell you the name of their village, their street, and where the olive trees were planted.
Their grandchildren may never have been home, but they can tell you where their great-grandfather lies buried and where the village well stood. The press has fostered the portrait of the Palestinian terrorist. But, the victims who rose up against human indignity in the Warsaw Ghetto are called heroes. Those who lost their lives are called martyrs. The Palestinian who tosses a rock in desperation is a terrorist.
Two years ago I drove through Palestine and watched intricate sprinkler systems watering lush green lawns of Zionist settlers in their new condominium complexes, surrounded by armed guards and barbed wire in the midst of a Palestinian community where there was not adequate water to drink and the surrounding fields were sandy and dry. University professor Moshe Zimmerman reported in the Jerusalem Post (April 30, 1995), "The [Jewish] children of Hebron are just like Hitler's youth."
We Jews are suing for restitution, lost wages, compensation for homes, land, slave labor and back wages in Europe. Am I a traitor of a Jew for supporting the right of return of the Palestinian refugees to their birthplace and compensation for what was taken that cannot be returned?
The Jewish dead cannot be brought back to life and neither can the Palestinian massacred be resurrected. David Ben Gurion said, "Let us not ignore the truth among ourselves... politically, we are the aggressors and they defend themselves ...The country is theirs, because they inhabit it, whereas we want to come here and settle down, and in their view we want to take away from them their country..."
Palestine is a land that has been occupied and emptied of its people. It's cultural and physical landmarks have been obliterated and replaced by tidy Hebrew signs. The history of a people was the first thing eradicated by the occupiers. The history of the indigenous people has been all but eradicated >as though they never existed. And all this has been hailed by the world as a miraculous act of G-d. We must recognize that Israel's existence is not even a question of legality so much as it is an illegal fait accompli realized through the use of force while supported by the Western powers. The UN missions directed at Israel in attempting to correct its violations of have thus far been futile.
In Hertzl's "The Jewish State," the father of Zionism said, "...We must investigate and take possession of the new Jewish country by means of every modern expedient." I guess I agree with Ehud Barak (3 June 1998) when he said, "If I were a Palestinian, I'd also join a terror group." I'd go a step further perhaps. Rather than throwing little stones in desperation, I'd hurtle a boulder.
Hopefully, somewhere deep inside, every Jew of conscience knows that this was no war; that this was not G-d's restitution of the holy land to it's rightful owners. We know that a human atrocity was and continues to be perpetuated against an innocent people who couldn't come up with the arms and money to defend themselves against the western powers bent upon their demise as a people.
We cannot continue to say, "But what were we to do?" Zionism is not synonymous with Judaism. I wholly support the rally of the right of return of the Palestinian people.
Originally published in the Kansas City Jewish Chronicle. The editor who accepted the article for publication was promptly fired.
(CX5256)
I found the following, apparently nothing has changed. I have tried to publish with the link included twice here, and three times on another blog. What is that telling you? Zionists not happy with the criticism?
Quest for Justice. - By Judith StoneNovember 2002 . Originally published in the Kansas City Jewish Chronicle. The editor who accepted the article for publication was promptly fired.
I am a Jew. I was a participant in the Rally for the Right of Return to Palestine. It was the right thing to do. I've heard about the European holocaust against the Jews since I was a small child. I've visited the memorials in Washington, DC and Jerusalem dedicated to Jewish lives lost and I've cried at the recognition to what level of atrocity mankind is capable of sinking.
Where are the Jews of conscience? No righteous malice can be held against the survivors of Hitler's holocaust. These fragments of humanity were in no position to make choices beyond that of personal survival. We must not forget that being a survivor or a co-religionist of the victims of the European Holocaust does not grant dispensation from abiding by the rules of humanity.
"Never again" as a motto, rings hollow when it means "never again to us alone." My generation was raised being led to believe that the biblical land was a vast desert inhabited by a handful of impoverished Palestinians living with their camels and eking out a living in the sand. The arrival of the Jews was touted as a tremendous benefit to these desert dwellers. Golda Mier even assured us that there "is no Palestinian problem."
We know now this picture wasn't as it was painted. Palestine was a land filled with people who called it home. There were thriving towns and villages, schools and hospitals. There were Jews, Christians and Muslims. In fact, prior to the occupation, Jews represented a mere 7 percent of the population and owned 3 percent of the land.
Taking the blinders off for a moment, I see a second atrocity perpetuated by the very people who should be exquisitely sensitive to the suffering of others. These people knew what it felt like to be ordered out of your home at gun point and forced to march into the night to unknown destinations or face execution on the spot. The people who displaced the Palestinians knew first hand what it means to watch your home in flames, to surrender everything dear to your heart at a moment's notice. Bulldozers leveled hundreds of villages, along with the remains of the village inhabitants, the old and the young. This was nothing new to the world.
Poland is a vast graveyard of the Jews of Europe. Israel is the final resting place of the massacred Palestinian people. A short distance from the memorial to the Jewish children lost to the holocaust in Europe there is a leveled parking lot. Under this parking lot is what's left of a once flourishing village and the bodies of men, women and children whose only crime was taking up needed space and not leaving graciously. This particular burial marker reads: "Public Parking".
I've talked with Palestinians. I have yet to meet a Palestinian who hasn't lost a member of their family to the Israeli Shoah, nor a Palestinian who cannot name a relative or friend languishing under inhumane conditions in an Israeli prison. Time and time again, Israel is cited for human rights violations to no avail. On a recent trip to Israel, I visited the refugee camps inhabited by a people who have waited 52 years in these 'temporary' camps to go home. Every Palestinian grandparent can tell you the name of their village, their street, and where the olive trees were planted.
Their grandchildren may never have been home, but they can tell you where their great-grandfather lies buried and where the village well stood. The press has fostered the portrait of the Palestinian terrorist. But, the victims who rose up against human indignity in the Warsaw Ghetto are called heroes. Those who lost their lives are called martyrs. The Palestinian who tosses a rock in desperation is a terrorist.
Two years ago I drove through Palestine and watched intricate sprinkler systems watering lush green lawns of Zionist settlers in their new condominium complexes, surrounded by armed guards and barbed wire in the midst of a Palestinian community where there was not adequate water to drink and the surrounding fields were sandy and dry. University professor Moshe Zimmerman reported in the Jerusalem Post (April 30, 1995), "The [Jewish] children of Hebron are just like Hitler's youth."
We Jews are suing for restitution, lost wages, compensation for homes, land, slave labor and back wages in Europe. Am I a traitor of a Jew for supporting the right of return of the Palestinian refugees to their birthplace and compensation for what was taken that cannot be returned?
The Jewish dead cannot be brought back to life and neither can the Palestinian massacred be resurrected. David Ben Gurion said, "Let us not ignore the truth among ourselves... politically, we are the aggressors and they defend themselves ...The country is theirs, because they inhabit it, whereas we want to come here and settle down, and in their view we want to take away from them their country..."
Palestine is a land that has been occupied and emptied of its people. It's cultural and physical landmarks have been obliterated and replaced by tidy Hebrew signs. The history of a people was the first thing eradicated by the occupiers. The history of the indigenous people has been all but eradicated >as though they never existed. And all this has been hailed by the world as a miraculous act of G-d. We must recognize that Israel's existence is not even a question of legality so much as it is an illegal fait accompli realized through the use of force while supported by the Western powers. The UN missions directed at Israel in attempting to correct its violations of have thus far been futile.
In Hertzl's "The Jewish State," the father of Zionism said, "...We must investigate and take possession of the new Jewish country by means of every modern expedient." I guess I agree with Ehud Barak (3 June 1998) when he said, "If I were a Palestinian, I'd also join a terror group." I'd go a step further perhaps. Rather than throwing little stones in desperation, I'd hurtle a boulder.
Hopefully, somewhere deep inside, every Jew of conscience knows that this was no war; that this was not G-d's restitution of the holy land to it's rightful owners. We know that a human atrocity was and continues to be perpetuated against an innocent people who couldn't come up with the arms and money to defend themselves against the western powers bent upon their demise as a people.
We cannot continue to say, "But what were we to do?" Zionism is not synonymous with Judaism. I wholly support the rally of the right of return of the Palestinian people.
Originally published in the Kansas City Jewish Chronicle. The editor who accepted the article for publication was promptly fired.
(CX5256)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Back to Normal Angel
Back to a normal template after a few weeks. Thank goodness. That thing was way too 'busy' for me. I think I may do some color co-ordinating, back to my previous look. Except for the comment section, have no idea why they are not showing up.
Back to normal at work too, after the holiday 'cruising' mode, in the land of answering machines and no-one home.
Gee, did I get into trouble at work today. Not technically my fault, but I am in the line of fire, because of the economy. I have people backing out of deals left, right and centre.
Not little deals either, although I agree that if I sold Mobile Phones, those deals would be just as precious to me.
Today I lost $1,352,420.07 worth. Yes, it does have 6 zero's. I think I may have to kiss goodbye to my annual leave, starting on 23rd. I don't think I am game to let go for 2 weeks. Very scary stuff.
This is the first time the state of the economy has affected me, in any way. Talk about creditcard crunch time, and a pay packet with no commission. Now there is a scary thought.
Back to normal at work too, after the holiday 'cruising' mode, in the land of answering machines and no-one home.
Gee, did I get into trouble at work today. Not technically my fault, but I am in the line of fire, because of the economy. I have people backing out of deals left, right and centre.
Not little deals either, although I agree that if I sold Mobile Phones, those deals would be just as precious to me.
Today I lost $1,352,420.07 worth. Yes, it does have 6 zero's. I think I may have to kiss goodbye to my annual leave, starting on 23rd. I don't think I am game to let go for 2 weeks. Very scary stuff.
This is the first time the state of the economy has affected me, in any way. Talk about creditcard crunch time, and a pay packet with no commission. Now there is a scary thought.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Angels Silent World
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Angel of Peace
This last weekend has been peaceful (for me). Three days off. Four mobiles turned off, didn't log into work emails at all. No TV, no 6 O'clock News to make me cry. Again.
We went home to our house in the hills. The view from the front looks into the valley below, the rear view is straight to Mt. Baw Baw, not a house in sight. It is a magical place to heal your heart and soul.
I often think we should rent the house out, help pay the mortgage, also help pay the creditcard off. In reality, I don't know how I would feel if I couldn't escape from the house at work to the house at home. Would renters look after it like I do, would they enjoy being away from towns? Would they like talking to the Fox that sits on the end of my porch every night? Or feed the King Parrots that flock to the yard most days. I even have a resident owl. I forgot the Kookaburras, the big gum is their feeding place most evenings, around 7.
I had been extremely ill for 2 months prior to moving in, and spent 3 weeks in critical care a couple of weeks after moving in. This was the second scare and major surgery in 6 months. When I came home from hospital, all I could do was walk a few steps, and either sit or lie down. I gravitated to the back porch, where I sat and smoked, (yes, I know) and looked at the view for a couple of months. I firmly believe the house had a lot to do with my recovery, both physical and emotional.
At that time I had unpacked boxes everywhere, it took me months to unpack the majority. To this day 4 years later, there are still some unpacked boxes. I wonder what's in them? More stuff I don't need, or treasures I thought I had lost?
At peace, for now.
We went home to our house in the hills. The view from the front looks into the valley below, the rear view is straight to Mt. Baw Baw, not a house in sight. It is a magical place to heal your heart and soul.
I often think we should rent the house out, help pay the mortgage, also help pay the creditcard off. In reality, I don't know how I would feel if I couldn't escape from the house at work to the house at home. Would renters look after it like I do, would they enjoy being away from towns? Would they like talking to the Fox that sits on the end of my porch every night? Or feed the King Parrots that flock to the yard most days. I even have a resident owl. I forgot the Kookaburras, the big gum is their feeding place most evenings, around 7.
I had been extremely ill for 2 months prior to moving in, and spent 3 weeks in critical care a couple of weeks after moving in. This was the second scare and major surgery in 6 months. When I came home from hospital, all I could do was walk a few steps, and either sit or lie down. I gravitated to the back porch, where I sat and smoked, (yes, I know) and looked at the view for a couple of months. I firmly believe the house had a lot to do with my recovery, both physical and emotional.
At that time I had unpacked boxes everywhere, it took me months to unpack the majority. To this day 4 years later, there are still some unpacked boxes. I wonder what's in them? More stuff I don't need, or treasures I thought I had lost?
At peace, for now.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Angels Hell
This morning when I woke up, I wondered where the fun in my life had disappeared to. When exactly, did life become all work and no play? Did it just happen? Or did I work myself up to it?
The realisation came a couple of days ago, the catalyst I believe, was when I couldn't find my favourite white shirt.
I turned the wardrobe upside down, looked in the washing basket, and in the dryer. The fairies must have nicked it, along with by black heels.
I decided to clean the wardrobe ( two wardrobes) and drawers out, with a strict policy, if I hadn't worn it for a year, out it goes.
Washing and ironing done, everything hanging in color coded order. Shoes in the same order on the rack, bags lined up on the shelves. Knickers and bras folded neatly, along with socks and stockings.
Since when did I need 18 white shirts and only wear 3, and how come I have 22 pairs of knickers? As if I didn't do the washing a couple of times a week! So many pairs of shoes, of which I wear only a couple, because the rest kill my feet. And, the bag I had to have, which I bought 3 months ago, and cost the best part of $200. I loved it in the shop, I don't like it any more, so it is lined up with the other 11 bags. To top it off, I haven't used it.
When did this happen to me, how could I let it happen? My credit card bill is $17,000. No wonder I work long hours and hardly get a spare minute to myself. I'm too busy being an over spender, over achiever, making sure my team never fails to meet their monthly sales target, and being a "can do, no problem" person for the boss. When did I start working 12 hour days? Can't remember, it just sort of happened along the way.
I get stressed and mail order. Work stresses, family stresses, they have merged and become one. I can no longer draw a line between the two. There is no time to de-stress, no time to sit and do nothing. No time for my favourite things, reading, blogging, gardening, I can't dance either, it isn't 'productive'.
I say no time because I have to be busy, I can't relax, have lost the art of reading for pleasure, and doing nothing. When was the last time I had fun, without shopping? I can't remember, it's too long ago. When was the last time I didn't feel pressure, from one source or another, and when exactly was the last day I didn't have a headache?
How did I turn into this person? When did I start to look at the world from the outside, instead of joining in? How do I find my way back home?
The realisation came a couple of days ago, the catalyst I believe, was when I couldn't find my favourite white shirt.
I turned the wardrobe upside down, looked in the washing basket, and in the dryer. The fairies must have nicked it, along with by black heels.
I decided to clean the wardrobe ( two wardrobes) and drawers out, with a strict policy, if I hadn't worn it for a year, out it goes.
Washing and ironing done, everything hanging in color coded order. Shoes in the same order on the rack, bags lined up on the shelves. Knickers and bras folded neatly, along with socks and stockings.
Since when did I need 18 white shirts and only wear 3, and how come I have 22 pairs of knickers? As if I didn't do the washing a couple of times a week! So many pairs of shoes, of which I wear only a couple, because the rest kill my feet. And, the bag I had to have, which I bought 3 months ago, and cost the best part of $200. I loved it in the shop, I don't like it any more, so it is lined up with the other 11 bags. To top it off, I haven't used it.
When did this happen to me, how could I let it happen? My credit card bill is $17,000. No wonder I work long hours and hardly get a spare minute to myself. I'm too busy being an over spender, over achiever, making sure my team never fails to meet their monthly sales target, and being a "can do, no problem" person for the boss. When did I start working 12 hour days? Can't remember, it just sort of happened along the way.
I get stressed and mail order. Work stresses, family stresses, they have merged and become one. I can no longer draw a line between the two. There is no time to de-stress, no time to sit and do nothing. No time for my favourite things, reading, blogging, gardening, I can't dance either, it isn't 'productive'.
I say no time because I have to be busy, I can't relax, have lost the art of reading for pleasure, and doing nothing. When was the last time I had fun, without shopping? I can't remember, it's too long ago. When was the last time I didn't feel pressure, from one source or another, and when exactly was the last day I didn't have a headache?
How did I turn into this person? When did I start to look at the world from the outside, instead of joining in? How do I find my way back home?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Being touched by an Angel is not always a good thing