Still Trapped - A Lesson Learned

I haven't escaped yet, but it's getting closer. The boss sends me messages through G. Ask her to return the uniform please. What does she think I would do with it? Wear the bloody thing for fun? Yeah, right.

Actually, I send her messages through G too. Can you tell me when to expect my termination pay? I didn't get an answer.

I can feel myself retreating from the rest of the world. All I want to do is be by myself, the phone keeps ringing, I don't answer it. If someone knocks on the door, I ignore it.

One day........down the track, I'll tell you about this particular job, what I did, how people are ripped off. BUT only after I get paid out, including the 7 months worth of Super that hasn't been paid into my nominated fund.

Look at your next job offer, research the company and directors before you make the worst mistake of your lives, like G and I did. If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. We may just go into bankruptcy because of these smooth talkers.

Denim

It looks like life is back to sleeping in. I have had two interviews, and one no thank you. One more interview on Thursday afternoon.

So.......back to sleeping in, and wearing jeans. I still have not quite escaped this hell hole, but only have 4 days to go. This is pay week though, so getting paid on time or even at all, remains to be seen.

It will be great to finally go home to stay, I have really missed it, and the DOG. Fancy having him two houses away, and having visitation rights only. However, we did agree that if we were to return, they would keep the dog. Fair is fair. I have to say, I don't miss the hair. Long haired Saints are continually shedding. I swear you could spin the hair and knit a jumper out of it.

I have finally got somewhere with the Dept of Immigration, and am allowed to sit my citizenship test on the 26th May. About time too! I had a very understanding person on the other end of the phone, who showed a lot of common sense. No around and around the "what is your passposrt number", I don't have one, "what is your permanent residency number", I don't have one, etc. No arguments this time.:)

Anyway, back to sleeping in.........

Yellow Heart - Black Heart

I've changed colour this time, yellow instead of black, but nothing has changed.

Well, maybe some things have changed. On reflection, a lot has changed.

This pretense we call life, struggling to keep an image, working to live or living to work, which ever one it is.

Longer hours, with nothing to show except extra stress. Everyone afraid if they don't put in extra time, a replacement will be found. The replacement will, of course endeavour to live up to your image and in turn be caught in the trap.

I got over it. The big money, the entrenched lies that go with the job, the pretend 'everything is perfect' world. Oh, forgot the blame game, the happy, joyous corporate world , where everything that goes wrong in the higher echelons is always someone else's fault.

Have you ever noticed your employer will NEVER take the blame, even though he/she made the mistake? I only had one boss that ever did that, and he was a car dealer. Just goes to show that car salesmen have more integrity than you imagined.

Annonymous

Interesting day. Hmmm........ Annonymous. No faces, no names.


Today I voiced my opinion regarding the non payment of wages, and my negative outlook at the present time because of this. It ended up a total fiasco.

My husband resigned. The boss went nuts.

A little later..........I was asked to resign, I refused. She basically said she would make life very difficult, and that I couldn't do my job properly. Which I can, by the way. My performance targets are way up, on one side, the other side is unmarketable in it's present form, as has been documented in numerous meetings, by her. But, like all good bosses, she changed her mind and blamed it on me.

The thing is, unless they actually produce the product, and the purchaser pays in full, I don't get commission. People get sick of waiting, pull out, and I lose out. I reckon around $14,000 this financial year.

Black Heart - Black Wings

Well, it's come around again. Payday. No wages in the bank again. Not even an email this time.

I rang H/O and asked, the person I spoke to was in the same boat as me. Exec's were not available to talk to. Remember, I changed my direct debit days? Maybe I should make it the week after??

In the meantime I had my interview, I blew it completely because I was over stressed re no wages. I could have kicked myself for giving incorrect answers to questions I actually know backwards.

The icing on the cake: An email right at knock off time!! Guess what?? Due to a technical hitch were were unable to process the payroll on Monday night, Tuesday night and also tonight. We may possibly have it sorted out tomorrow.

Crashed, Trapped & Burned

Have you ever got to that place in your life, when you feel you have crashed and burned? I don't mean literally.

That place where you feel you can go no further, you are stuck. Everything seems to be at a standstill. Stuck in a job you don't like, in a place that you hate more and more each day.

You feel you will be at this place forever, no moving on. You've given up on being well off, with a reasonable house and NO mortgage. I forgot to ad the credit card, definitely NO creditcard. Well, no credit card debt, anyway.

The car, another thing I'd love to ditch. Payments, that is.

I have a job interview next week, I guess in the end it will become the same. A means to an end. It just feels as if it will never end.

I'm not sure if I have ever loved my job. I can't remember when I last jumped out of bed, and couldn't wait to get to work. I don't think it has ever happened.

The icing on the cake: Not being paid on time. Three times in a row. Can you believe they told us to move our direct debits forward 2 days, because they couldn't guarantee we'd be paid on time? I believe the words were "We'll go broke together" Can you believe that shit?

I rebelled and got to work very, very late. When asked my reason, I said if she couldn't pay me on time, I couldn't get to work on time.

On another topic, Victoria still has 15 fires buning. Different areas being threatened, more stress on families. Now they are talking about only re- building the homes that were insured, how un fair is that? Over two thousand homes lost, and two and a half thousand sheds, multiple businesses.

I guess that's my bit said for the end of the month.

Victoria Burning - Protection for the Arsonist- No protection for the Victims

They are not releasing his name We should know. We need to ow. We want to know. PLEASE

What does 'fragile state of mind' mean? Does he have a disability, a mental illness? WHAT? Is he a husband, a father, we should know. He deserves to be lynched.

I went searching for a Fiery Angel pic, and found this. I thought Angel of Revenge, then realised it had one of the Psalms attached, Psalm 90. It's about protection. I guess that would be protection for the ARSONIST.

NO PROTECTION FOR THE VICTIMS.

Does that seem fair? Why should he deserve to be protected, any more than another criminal?

There must be someone out there that knows his name. We want to know. In fact, we demand to know. So, who is he?

Victoria Burning - Man Charged - Churchill Fire

Source: http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/02/13/2491107.htm
A man accused of lighting the Churchill-Jeerelang bushfire in Gippsland, in Victoria's east has been remanded in custody.The fire started in plantation near Churchill on Saturday and quickly spread to nearby communities. Twenty-one people are confirmed to have died in that fire.

The man was arrested this morning and taken to the Morwell police station where he was questioned for several hours. He has been charged with one count of arson causing death, one count of intentionally lighting a bushfire and one count of possessing child pornography.
The man did not appear in court.

The court heard the man is in a fragile mental state and magistrate Clive Alsop made an order that he be assessed by a psychologist.The man will appear in the Melbourne Magistrates Court on Monday.

Assistant Police Commissioner Dannye Maloney says the man has been moved to Melbourne due to security concerns."People are pointing fingers, people are jumping to conclusions, rumours and innuendos are ebbing... we do not need that," he said. "Let Victoria Police do its role, we identified this person, we are prosecuting this person on behalf of the community."

Police are still urging anyone with any information on the fires across the state to come forward.
The total bushfire death toll stands at 181.

Victoria Burning - Devastation - No Words

Victoria Burning - My Skyline

If we weren't burning, the sky would be beautiful. I'm all fired out, and need something light.

I have lost all my comments, along with the line breaks in my posts. I need some help with this. Blogger doesn't help me, as my brain doesn't work in "html".

It's more than likely me that has stuffed something up on the settings. That took 5 minutes, now back to the fires.

There are 29 fires still burning in Victoria. Two major fires look like they are going to join. The Police have found two people who are assisting them with their enquiries. Someone told me an 11 year old boy was being interviewed, but I don't know if this is actually the case.

Which ever way you look at it, it's sad. They have not yet released the names of the deceased, nor are there any death notices for the fire victims. I wish I had some good news.

Victoria Burning - I Hate Greenies & Arsonists

I can't begin to tell you how we are feeling. The shock has started to wear off a little, but along with that comes severe anger and frustration.

At this time, I'm so glad I don't know a Greenie. Those bloody City people, who know nothing about the bush, who have managed to get laws passed that will not allow us to cut down trees surrounding country properties, thus endangering lives. 29 fires are still burning.

Those dickheads who chain themselves to trees, professional protesters, who are paid. They have also managed to destroy a hundred odd years of tradition, Alpine Cattle Grazing, by having that banned as well, and turning it into the Alpine National Park, because of some little plants or frogs (something like that). Who frigging cares? Aren't human lives worth more than a frogs, or an endangered plant?

You say no? Then F off all Greenies and Arsonists. You deserve the Death Penalty. 181 lives lost, over a thousand homes, then we come to livelihoods, livestock. You WANKERS. The undergrowth is long, we have been in drought for 12 years. The only house left standing in one area had removed the trees around the house. They were taken to court, charged with Environmental Damage and fined. It cost them $100,000, but saved their lives.

Well Greenies and Arsonists, happy now? I suggest you go chain your selves to the trees that have cost victims their lives and others their livlihoods, enjoy yourselves.

PS: WHO IS GOING TO VOTE GREEN IN THE NEXT ELECTION, OR GIVE THEM PREFERENTIAL VOTES?

PlEASE EXCUSE MY FRENCH (SWEARING).

Victoria Still Burning

Still burning. Unbelievable pictures taken by everyday ordinary Australians. We have our television channels back now, watching the utter devestation has me in tears a lot of the time.

The names of the dead are slowly filtering through, along with the pictures. I have lived here for so long, and know so many people, it's scary. I may not know the name, but the faces are familiar. You know the ones that you pass on the way to school, or the supermarket. The people you smile at when you pass them on the street, or wait in the queue at the bank with.

I'm too scared to watch, and find myself in tears often. I don't think there is a person in country Victoria that hasn't been touched by this fire in some way. Somehow there is always a smile at the end of the tears. It leaves me nearly speechless.

Eye See You - Tea and Sympathy

Hi Readers,

You all know that I feed off others posts, especially if I see a perceived "wrong". I had an email from a friend telling me to check out a blog and particular thread. Of course, I did. I always take a hint when offered, as sometimes I don't bother to read the comments at all, or even make a comment, but enjoy reading the article.

Someone was caught out badly, and if I'm correct will be even more caught out later this week. People really should not tell fibs, especially when doing so for sympathy. You have to be very careful. I can vouch for that, personal experience talking. I tried being 3 people at once, very confusing. I told fibs AND got caught out. I found an apology was the only way to recover my otherwise unsullied reputation. HAHA. I actually no longer care, though it has taken me some time to get over the "caring" bit.

You never remember your fibs, unless you are very, very clever. Obviously I'm not that clever, and neither is the person concerned.

Me thinks a little tea and sympathy is called for. Everyone seems to take on a different persona when blogging. You can say nasty / nice things, and be tagged as exactly that for the rest of your blogging career. People remember what you said, and when you said it. There is always a time when you have a lapse from your "persona," and make a mistake. Very forgivable, if admitted.

Usually you start out on a straight line, then a little down the track it deviates. A fib here, a fib there, and you're trapped. You either have to stick with it and keep going, take on a different persona and start fresh, or apologise. I chose to apologise, that was a couple of years ago now.

As per usual after my lost comments, contact is via email.

Victoria Burning - Gippsland Monday, 6pm

ABC radio has announced there are 21 dead in this area, 130 all up and they expect to find more. It will take months for investigators to sift through burnt homes. We are virtually cut off from TV, with one Melbourne channel, 10. No local channels at all, so cannot envision the rest of the State.

The Churchill fire has broken containment lines, and local communities are again on high alert. They have been told it is too late to run.

I spoke with a client in Yarram today, who told me two locals had died, she provided me with their names, I cried. A little later I gathered the courage to ring one of their relatives, right name, wrong family. I still cried.

On my way to post some mail after work, a fire truck roared past me with lights flashing and siren on. Tears again. I'm feeling sick with apprehension. I couldn't imagine living in a war zone for months on end.

Victoria Burning Sunday 4pm.

We had Channel 9 back for a while, but it has disappeared again. News on the net says there are 9 dead in Gippsland so far. I hope and pray they are not amongst my friends, but they are someone's friends and family. My heart goes out to them.

Victoria Burning - Gippsland 9pm Saturday

The following is the email I sent to my daughter and friend in Perth.:

Hi ******,

On alert:: Walhalla, Erica, Glengarry, Toongabbie, Cowwarr, Warragul, Drouin. Burning: Pakenham, Narre Warren, Churchill, Traralgon South, Tarra Bulga Nat Park, Balook, Jindivick, Callignee, North and South, Yarram, Won Wron, Woodside, all the beach side towns, and everything in-between, Mt Tassie transmitter towers are gone.

We watched the hills on the other side of the Valley burn from the back of Churchill to Mt Tassie, 60 K’s as the crow flies in 2 hours. All this from our front yard, along with our local CFA reps, and most of the population of Yallourn North. It was spectacular, the flames 1000 meters high.
I’ve never seen anything like it.

By 5.30pm it was as black as night, the air thick with dark choking smoke, making it hard to breathe. By 7pm, it started to rain lightly, black rain. It cleared the smoke a little. The Princes Highway is cut at Pakenham, Warragul, Morwell, Stratford, Sale, amongst other major towns, there are hundreds of road blocks, including the Walhalla Erica road from Tyers. Closer to home, 2 k’s, Strettons Track caught fire, was put out, and a couple of hours later caught again and is now contained. The wind was gusting up to 120k’s an hour, so very hot.

Right now: There are Thunder storms happening with spectacular lightening, starting more fires. No rain with it here. The smoke is thick and is making me choke, ABC Radio just alerted us that the fire has pushed through to Traralgon South which is now burning, and is moving quickly towards Loy Yang. They have put us on alert for the next 4 hours, the wind will change direction and come from the South West, pushing the fires right towards us. The radio signal is coming and going, I just heard there were casualties, but not the whereabouts. Visibility is down to 200 meters, we have been told not to drive, it’s too dangerous, hence all the road blocks.

Sunday 2pm. The smoke damage is awful, house is full of black ash. We are so very, very lucky.

Dishonest & Bitchy Bloggers - Not Angelic

I've been reading quite a bit of a night, lately. The trend is a little disturbing, hence I am not going to be Angelic at all. I'll cut straight to the chase.

I'm pretty well honest, straight down the line. Above all else, I would put honesty first in any sort of relationship, be it home, work, play or blogging.

Most bloggers are annonymous, some good, some bad. Anyone who has built up a reputation cannot afford to make a mistake. For example: A regularly abusive commenter, which makes more timid bloggers less likely to comment.

I have been visiting a certain blog lately, that is showing disturbing trends, bordering on either abusive, or just plain straight out bitchiness.

I've been in that position before, where one person can basically get away with anything, whereas another who comments on this trend, is deemed a 'troll'.

Now, bitchiness is another thing I dislike. When one says something out of spite, they will probably get a reply from the recipient, who is a little upset at being antagonised for no real reason. The first party realises she has made a mistake in front of everyone on the blog, then in a completely condescending manor, makes light of it.

Then there are the people who comment under a variety of names, some very clever and adept at not getting caught out. I actually tried this out, but couldn't continue being several people at once. Too hard to keep up with the lies.

The other label, which I didn't include is Reformed Nasties. You never know if you can trust them or not. You read their posts, but decide never to comment because you don't feel secure. There is no trust, and probably never will be.

I decided to just be me. What you see is what you get. Attack with an argument, don't attack the man, don't be condescending, and never underestimate.

A friend emailed me the olther day, told me others were not euipped to deal with my straight out, down to earth attitude. He's probably right. I cut close to the chase. Deal with it.

Angels "D" Day

"D" stress Day. Finally at home, for 10 days straight. No boss, no clients, phones turned off. Ahhhh! Beautiful, peaceful in my little piece of Paradise, anyway.

Things are not so well in other parts of the world. I realise there are other wars being fought, apart from the Middle East, but can't worry about them all.

Meanwhile you should watch this piece from Information Clearing House, titled Justifying War Crimes. Interesting that Israel and the US get to contravene International Humanitarian Law. How do we let them get away with this?

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article21832.htm

The Gaza war will be followed by more violence until Israelis and Palestinians create a state called "Isratine" where they can live together in peace, Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi said in remarks published on Thursday. This from http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article21827.htm

As is usual now, Iraq is forgotten by the Western News Services. We should get news, good or bad, but we all know that unless it is radical, we won't hear it. Typical.

I don't know how someone can live through this, I feel bad enough thinking about it. For these next few days I think I have to force myself to NOT think about it. "D" stress Day.

Angels Child

This pic gives me the absolute creeps. The girl reminds me so much of someone that is no longer with me. Same face, same eyes, same hair. My spine started to tingle, and my senses became super alert. The air seemed to crackle with I don't know what.

Questions:

Does a parent ever forget? If they do, how long does it take? Do you ever stop feeling guilty or blaming yourself for (in this case) an avoidable accident. When does your heart stop breaking? Do the tears subside?

I wish I knew the answers. Same old story. When I close my eyes at night, all the awful things that have happened seem to just come to the fore. I can't stop thinking about them.

I learned to meditate, it took a long time but I did it. I used to imagine a house in the mountains, on top of a hill covered in snow, and a view of the valley below. I'm physically at a similar place now, but can no longer meditate.

I think I need to get back to basics, give myself a bit of leeway. We have a break of 10 days coming up. I want to go to my spiritual home and spend a few days there. Maybe that will put me on the right track, so I can save myself. Again. Thank goodness for a husband who understands.

MAIMONIDEAN CODE & TALMUD

http://www.biblebelievers.org.au/jewhis.htm


Read this link. Fascinating, written by Prof. Israel Shahak, Jewish Historian. He says of his OWN Religion "a world sunk in the most abject superstition, fanaticism, and ignorance ..." Below this another review, from another source. It's worth reading.

"Does not their Talmud say, and do not their rabbis write, that it is no sin to kill if a Jew kills a heathen, but it is a sin if he kills a brother in Israel? It is no sin if he does not keep his oath to a heathen. Therefore, to steal and rob, as they do with their usury, from a heathen is a divine service. For they hold that they cannot be too hard on us nor sin against us, because they are of the noble blood and circumcised saints; we, however, are cursed goyim. And they are the masters of the world, and we are their servants, yea, their cattle...

Well, what can one say? IT IS NO SIN TO KILL A PALESTINIAN???

"In 1962 a part of the Maimonidean Code ... the so-called Book of Knowledge, which contains the most basic rules of Jewish faith and practice, was published in Jerusalem in a bilingual edition, with the English translation facing the Hebrew text. The latter has been restored to its original purity, and the command to exterminate Jewish infidels appears in it in full: "It is a duty to exterminate them with one's own hands." In the English translation this is somewhat softened to: "It is a duty to take active measures to destroy them." But then the Hebrew text goes on to specify the prime examples of "infidels"who must be exterminated: "Such as Jesus of Nazareth and his pupils, and Tzadoqand Baitos [the founders of the Sadducean sect] and their pupils, may the name of the wicked rot." Not one word of this appears in the English text on the facing page (78a). And, even more significant, in spite of the wide circulation of this book among scholars in the English-speaking countries, not one of them has, as far as I know, protested against this glaring deception."